


Long Enough to Call it Courage

by FallenArchangel2002



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Hanukkah, Historical Accuracy, Immigration, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Road Trips, Romani Bucky Barnes, Romanian Bucky Barnes, Story-telling Through Letters, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27313921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenArchangel2002/pseuds/FallenArchangel2002
Summary: When the music stops, the boys take a sweeping bow, and when they look up Hadasa swears that one of them meets her eyes. He winks at her, and all logical thought flies out of Hadasa’s mind. Come on, his eyes tease, I can give you a grand adventure. Hadasa looks away quickly and flees to the baker’s stall. When Hadasa’s mother lights the Shabbat candles that night, she’s still thinking of the boy and his bright blue eyes.Or: Winifred and George Barnes through the 20th Century.
Relationships: George Barnes/Winifred Barnes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Antebellum

**Author's Note:**

> Some disclaimers are under order: Firstly, there's a lot of Jewish customs throughout the story. I'm not Jewish, and although a large amount of both time and dedication went into research in order to get everything right, I could always be wrong. Don't be afraid to call anything out. Next, through some of the story, characters will refer to each other as Gypsies. This is a product of their time. This is a slur, and IT IS NOT OKAY to call anyone a Gypsy; rather, they are the Romani people. 
> 
> On a side note, the title is from Earth by Sleeping at Last. Translations will be at the end of the chapter.

The story starts like this: a Gypsy boy falls in love with a Jewish girl. In a heat-soaked Romanian summer, they promise that one day they’ll be together. By the light of a full moon, a Gypsy and a Jew kiss for the first time. Under a _chuppah,_ the Gypsy boy and the Jewish girl promise each other their lives. 

The story ends like this: two World Wars, four beautiful children, a new country, and a legacy of honor. One hundred years later, the Gypsy boy and the Jewish girl are laid down to rest.

✡✡✡

George Berkowitz and Hadasa Stanislav meet for the first time on a sun-drenched afternoon in Sighet, Romania. She is 12 years old and he is 14. It is 1909, and there is unease in the air. Hadasa is supposed to be collecting the candles for the night’s Shabbat ceremony, but her eyes keep on straying back to the Gypsies who have taken over the market square today. 

There’s a man playing the accordion and a woman playing a fiddle. Two boys dressed in bright colors and jangling bracelets dance to the lively music. A small crowd has gathered around the performers. When the music stops, the boys take a sweeping bow, and when they look up Hadasa swears that one of them meets her eyes. He winks at her, and all logical thought flies out of Hadasa’s mind. _Come on,_ his eyes tease, _I can give you a grand adventure._ Hadasa looks away quickly and flees to the baker’s stall. When Hadasa’s mother lights the Shabbat candles that night, she’s still thinking of the Gypsy boy and his bright blue eyes. 

  
  


They play the game for four more years. Every summer, the Gypsy boy’s band stays for a day or two in Sighet. They put up a show in the market square and Hadasa watches her Gypsy boy as he dances.

(When did he become hers? Hadasa doesn’t know.) 

They share glances, winks, small nods, but never words. The summer that Hadasa turns 16 is the first time she talks to her Gypsy boy. 

Hadasa is leaving _shul_ when her Gypsy boy catches her eye and waves at her to follow him. She risks a glance at her parentsーthey’re talking to the Rabbiーand quickly slips away. She follows her Gypsy boy out of town and into the Transylvanian countryside. When they stop on a small hill, he is grinning and she is out of breath.

“I wasn’t sure if you would follow me.”

Hadasa glares at her Gypsy boy. “And why wouldn’t I?” 

Her Gypsy boy laughs. “Well, I mean, I’m a crazy Gypsy and you’re a nice Jewish girl. Couldn’t be sure if all that blushing was legit.” 

As if on cue, Hadasa feels her cheeks heating up. She tries to save herself by glaring harder. “What’s your name?” 

Her Gypsy’s smile is like the light of a thousand suns. “George,” he says, “and yours, _mia bella?”_

“Hadasa,” Hadasa says.

She is 16 years old and he is 18. It is 1913 and war is just a year away. 

  
  


Hadasa fights to marry George. Her parents disagree, the Rabbi disagrees, her friends disagree. It seems as if all 8,000 Jews in Sighet disagree! Hadasa wins, though, and when she is 19 she circles George 7 times for luck as he crushes a glass beneath his heel. It is 1916 and Europe is embroiled in a World War. George is 21 years old and two months after they are married he is taken away to fight in the Romanian army. 

Hadasa welcomes to the world a healthy baby boy on March 10, 1917. He looks like George: brown hair, blue eyes, and, Hadasa’s father points out with scorn, dark skin. By the time Hadasa sees George again, Judah is a year and a half old. It is 1918 and the world has changed. 

✡✡✡

The first time Hadasa’s family talks about leaving for America, it is 1920 and Rivkah has just been born. 

"Isaac and Mordechai are doing very well," Hadasa's _tată_ insists.

"Rivkah is too young," Hadasa's _mamă_ argues.

"We could make a fortune in America," George says, agreeing with Hadasa's _tată._

No one asks Hadasa what she thinks. It is 1920 and in Germany, a man named Adolf Hitler has promised the destruction of her people. 

  
  


Two years later, George is offered a job at a bank in Stuttgart. Hadasa's _tată_ warns them against accepting the offer, saying that Germany is no place to be for a Jew. Hadasa and George leave anyway, taking their children and moving into a small apartment near Stuttgart. Judah swiftly learns German and George’s fortunes fall flat.

“We cannot stay here,” he tells her when he is let go only a month into his new job. “I will not let our children grow up in a place that doesn’t welcome them.”

“We cannot go back,” Hadasa whispers.

“Then we will go forward.”

Rivkah’s first words are not _mamă_ and _tată_ but _schmutziger Jude._ Hadasa swallows her pride and counts her pennies. It is 1922 and in Munich, Adolf Hitler is quickly becoming a powerful figure. 

  
  


“I think,” Hadasa says, “that I want my name to be Winifred.”

They are in France and after five years, Hadasa still has not secured a place for her family in the United States.

(“It’s the _fucking_ Immigration Quota Act,” George tells her, “the United States doesn’t want us there.”)

“Why Winifred, _mia bella?”_ George’s eyes are sad and blue. 

“I don’t know.” Hadasa shrugs. “It’s pretty, I suppose.” 

They have moved from Germany to France in hopes that the US will take them if they are not from Eastern Europe. Paris, Hadasa thinks, would be beautiful if she had a little more money. George toils the days away at a factory and Hadasa tries in vain to keep their tiny room from falling apart. Judah picks up French like he picks up stray balls on the street. He has a gift, Hadasa thinks, as Rivkah adds _cochons sales_ to her vocabulary. Hadasa thinks about turning tricks because she is running out of options and her children need to be fed. George cannot make enough money and Hadasa cannot help him. She is 30 years old and he is 32. It is 1927 and Hadasa is losing hope.

They are talking of returning to Romania when Hadasa finally, _finally_ gets access to the United States. Soon, they are leaving Paris and on a train to Le Havre. Over their last Shabbat dinner in the old world, Hadasa sings the _shehecheyanu._ When she rips apart the _challah,_ she is at peace for the first time in years. 

It is a crisp and clear morning the next day when Hadasa and her family step aboard the steamship that will carry them to the new world. Judah is enthralled by the ship and the ocean, escaping to dig himself into some nook or cranny as soon as Hadasa lets go of his hand. Rivkah clings to her _tată_ as if her life depends on it. She screams when the steamship's horns blow. Judah reappears at Hadasa's side as the ship eases itself out of the dock and into the English Channel. There is soot on his nose and his hair is all askew but he is smiling and Hadasa can't bring herself to be angry. There is no one in France to wave them goodbye, but Hadasa knows that in New York her brothers will be waiting. 

Two weeks later, when the steamship docks at Ellis Island, Hadasa and her family leave the old world behind for good. 

"Winifred," Hadasa says when the thin-faced immigration official asks her name. Newly christened, she tells him her children are James Buchanan and Rebecca Anne. He looks at them and writes Barnes on their papers instead of Berkowitz. 

"It's more Western," he says, "it'll help you find a job faster. If anybody asks anything, just tell them you couldn’t read."

George takes the papers and they are hustled onto another ship that will take them to New York City. It is 1928, and when Judah drags home a pale, blond-haired twig of a boy, Winifred feels as if everything will finally be alright.

✡✡✡

Winifred’s brothers have certainly carved out a place for themselves in the busy streets of Brooklyn Heights. Isaac and his wife Sara have four rambunctious kids and live above a small kosher grocery store that they own. Mordechai owns a barbershop in Williamsburg to which George goes to work. His wife, Elizabeth, is small, plump and one-hundred-percent American. Winifred doesn’t know what to think of her or her three children, who will not be growing up Jewish. Winifred busies herself with setting up a new household. She takes care of Judah and Rivkah, finds an Orthodox _shul_ to attend, continues to learn English, and does the laundry for her neighbors. 

Judah takes to English just as quickly as he took to French and German, and before that, Yiddish, Hebrew and Romanian. Winnie brags to her new neighbors that her son is eleven years old and already knows _six_ languages, can you believe how smart he is? Rivkah follows along, slower than her brother but faster than Winnie and George. 

Judah becomes inseparable from the boy he brings home on their first day in Brooklyn. “His name is Steve _, mamă,_ ” he tells Winnie. “He was trying to fight a kid twice as big as him.” 

(Steve grumbles as he dutifully eats the _rugelach_ Winnie has given him, “I had him in the ropes!”

“Of _course_ you did.”)

Winnie makes friends with Steve’s mother, a hardworking Irishwoman with steel in her bones and fire in her veins. Winnie tells her that she’s raised a boy who is a force to be reckoned with. Sarah snorts and tells her that Steve is too stubborn for his own good. When times get hard, Winnie sends Steve home with any “extra” food that she has. Before long, it is August of 1929 and it’s just as well Winnie’s never figured out how to put their money in a bank. 

Winnie’s _mamă_ and _tată_ joined them in America the following year. Judah and Rivkah are thrilled to see their _bubbe_ and _zayde_ again. Shadrach and Lyla are less than enchanted with their living arrangements. 

“This is a _slum,_ ” Shadrach groused. 

“It’s a _city,_ ” George would shoot back.

Shadrach and Lyla bring with them friendships from the Old World, and as much as Winnie would like for her children to leave it all behind, she can’t stop them from writing to their friends and relatives in Romania. When Judah starts to exchange letters with a girl named Delilah, George jokes about helping her family immigrate and setting the two of them up. Winnie gives him a firm smack on the head. 

New York slogs painfully through the 1930s. The Great Depression presses down mercilessly, an unseen presence that wears down the city’s inhabitants and infiltrates everything they do. In the west, what would one day be called the Dust Bowl settles in to stay. 

In 1932, Judah had his _bar mitzvah_ at the insistence of his grandparents. Shadrach presses him to quit secular schooling and attend _yeshiva_ full-time. Winnie resists the urge to shove her _tată_ out of the nearest fire escape, but only because Judah doesn’t want to go to _yeshiva_ either.

(“Being a Torah scholar is an _honor,_ boy.”

“ _Zayde,_ I want to be an engineer, not sit in a stuffy room studying a random person’s sob story from a million years ago!"

“The _nerve_ of you!”) 

Rivkah is wise enough to stay out of her grandpa’s line of fire. She is 11 years old now and starting to take an interest in boys. Winnie and George decide together that when she marries, it won’t be arranged. 

Esther Rose is born in 1933 and Miriam Shoshanna in ‘34. The number of people living in the Barnes’ tenement rises to eight and keeping the house just an inch away from disaster becomes a full-time job. Shadrach works at the _shul_ because of _course_ , he would. Lyla supports her husband and exchanges gossip with their neighbors. George holds steady at Mordechai’s barbershop. 

Judah graduates high school in ‘35 and is accepted into Columbia University for engineering. Not going was never an option, but everyone still freaks out about the cost until Judah, the little _shit,_ pulls out a letter from the Office of Undergraduate Studies stating that Columbia’s offering him a full ride. 

“Son of a _bitch!”_ George hollers, “You’re gonna give me a heart attack!”

Judah simply cackles at his father. 

1936 is a quiet year. Judah rings in the New Year at home before returning to Columbia. Rivkah, now a junior in high school, seems to have decided she won’t go to college like her brother. There is a heatwave that summer and the only thought on anybody’s mind was how to cool down. Judah, much more invested in the news than Winnie, tells her that temperatures soar to 106 and several people have died. By the time it rains again, Judah reports that 40 people die in Manhattan alone and the all-time high reaches a staggering 113 degrees. In the end, 5,000 poor souls meet their maker across the United States. 

Steve, who isn’t going to college, is over at the Barnes’ more often than not. Winnie thinks he looks a little unmoored without his Bucky. He is, however, a big help with three-year-old Essie and 4-year-old Mimi. With all the trouble they cause, Winnie swears that the two girls are conspiring to kill her! 

The sweltering summer is followed by a freezing winter. Frigid lows replace the record highs that the city had suffered through just a few months before. Tuberculosis hits the city hard, and one cold December morning, Sarah Rogers becomes yet another victim of the merciless disease. 

With Sarah gone, Steve is out of options. Judah tries to drop out in order to come home and take care of him, but a firm talking-to from George and Shadrach manages to change his mind. Unable to hold a job because of his laundry list of health issues, Steve soon runs out of money for rent. Winnie swoops him up before his landlord can kick him out, but she can tell that Steve hates depending on anybody else. He tries to persuade her to let him move out. Winnie has none of it. She would not let a kid die on her watch.

1937 and ‘38 pass without much fanfare. Judah and Steve move into an apartment of their own in ‘37 and Judah gives up sleeping in order to work and make it to classes on time. Rivkah graduates high school in '38 and marries a good Jewish boy named Avram Proctor. Winnie celebrates her 41st birthday and laments about her greying hair while George hits 43. They’ve come a long way from those carefree summer days deep in the highlands of Romania. 

On November 9th and 10th, 1938, the people of Nazi Germany light their torches and set out to destroy the Jewish population. In what would be known as _Kristallnacht,_ 30,000 Jews are rounded up and dragged away from their families, bound for a concentration camp. Businesses are looted, homes are ransacked, and the streets of Germany are coated with broken glass. Dachau, Germany’s first concentration camp, which had opened in March of 1933, suddenly swells with the importation of 10,000 Jewish men. 

✡✡✡

The last year of the decade rolls around as Delilah’s family pleads for Winnie and George to grant her access to the US. They do, of course, and it’s the last they’ll hear from her parents again. Delilah settles into the Barnes household, which bumps the number of residents back up to seven. Much to George’s chagrin, Judah has no intention of dating her. 

“She’s a good girl!” George insists. “She’s respectable. She’s smart. She’s Jewish. What more do you need in a wife?”

 _“Tată,”_ Judah sighs, exasperated, “I’m not ready to be tied down yet.”

Winnie, listening to father and son as she hangs the laundry from the fire escape, lowers her head. She knows as mothers know that her boy has already found love, but Judah doesn’t seem to have realized it yet. Winnie hopes that he never will. 

“Just give it a try,” George is insisting, “maybe she’ll change your mind.”

In May, Judah graduates from Columbia and the entire family heads to Manhattan for Commencement. With a college degree under his belt, Judah moves from hauling boxes at the docks to maintaining the ships that carry them. Over the summer, George finally gets his wish when Judah gives in to his nagging and starts to date Delilah. The Depression lifts with the combination of President Roosevelt’s relief programs and the ending of the Dust Bowl drought in 1936. Winnie is 42 years old and George is 44. It is 1939 and life is looking up.

Officially, World War II began when Germany invaded Poland on September 1, 1939. In reality, the die was already rolling when, on August 23, 1939, Germany and Russia sign the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. The real deal happens a few weeks later when Nazi Germany sweeps into Poland on September 1, 1939. The Germans, descending with a fury like no other, flatten the unsuspecting Poles with the ease of a lion casually batting off a pesky fly. In just over a month, on October 6, Poland falls to the Nazi regime. 

  
  


By 1941, the world had been at war for more than two years. Unlike the Great War, this time Winnie is blissfully not pregnant and out of the fray. On Sunday, December 7, she’s taking a well-deserved nap when 353 Japanese planes drop 21 elephants’ worth of bombs and torpedoes on the sunny docks of Pearl Harbor, Hawai’i. 

A lifetime later, Winnie will still recall with crystalline clarity exactly what she was doing when she learned the United States would be going to war. It is Judah who breaks her the news, tumbling into the family tenement at exactly 6:31 PM. He’s flush-faced, _yarmulke_ askew as he barges through the door. Winnie rushes to him, worried that something had happened to Steve. 

“No, _mamă,_ ” Judah pants, “it’s not Steveー” 

He cuts off, visibly steeling himself for whatever is coming next. Winnie’s breath catches in her throat. 

“The Japanese _._ Theyーthey attacked Hawai’i. Peace is over, _mamă._ We’re going to war.”

How does one respond to that? With war comes conscription, and Judah is the perfect age for it. How does one come to terms with the impending possibilityーno, _certainty_ ーthat your child is about to be dragged away? 

Winnie’s world shatters into a million pieces yet again as she lunges towards her oldest son and clings to him. The world might disappear if she held onto him tight enough, right?

 _“Mamă.”_ Judah breathes. 

They stay like that for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shul: Synagogue; Yiddish  
> Mia bella: My beautiful; Italian  
> Mamă, Tată: Mother, Father; Romanian  
> Schmutziger Jude: Dirty Jew; Germa  
> Cochons sales: Filthy pigs; French  
> Shehecheyanu: Jewish blessing for first experiences  
> Le Havre: French port city on the mouth of the Seine; pronounced kind of like “le ah-vuh"  
> Rugelach: Filled pastry product originating from Poland (almost looks like a croissant)  
> Bubbe/Bubbeleh, Zayde: Grandma, Grandpa; Yiddish  
> Bar Mitzvah: Jewish coming of age ceremony (male)


	2. Bellum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Bucky refers to the Romani as Gypsies, and once again, it's NOT OKAY to call people that. Otherwise, translations are once more at the end of the chapter.

Judah receives his draft letter 13 days after Pearl Harbor. 

It is December 20, the sixth night of Chanukah, and it begins like it always does. Mimi leads the lighting of the candles and Essie complains that  _ “she’s doing it all wrong, mamă!”  _

Songs intersperse the happy gathering. George leads  _ Hanerot Halalu,  _ Essie shows off  _ Maoz Tzur,  _ which she’s been working on at  _ yeshiva,  _ and Judah annoys Shadrach and Lyla by singing “Oh, Chanukah.” There are so many people in the tenement that night, basking in the warm glow of the candles: Shadrach, Lyla, George, Essie, Mimi, Rivkah, Avram, Rivkah’s growing baby bump, Judah, Delilah, and even Steve. Surrounded by family, Winnie can almost forget that there’s a war on. 

_ Latkes  _ are devoured and jelly from the  _ sufganiyot  _ is smeared onto the table. While the family is playing dreidel, Judah pulls Winnie and George aside and puts a manila envelope in Winnie’s hands. It’s addressed to James Barnes and it’s from the Selective Service. 

“I went’a see the recruiter first thing after I got it,” Judah says quietly. “They said that ‘cause I got an engineerin’ degree ‘n all tha’ I might get put in the Army Corps of Engineers.”

“How is that any better?” Winnie asks him as George takes the letter from her quivering hands. “Judah," he says, English sharp on his lips, “they’re sending you to  _ die!” _

_ “Mamă,”  _ Judah huffsーhe runs a hand through his hair and grabs a fistfulー“I  _ don’t know,  _ but it’s better’n havin’ta go in as a grunt‘a some sort.”

George shakes his head, a stormy expression on his face. “War is a rich man’s game and a poor man’s fight. You need to get out of this.”

_ “Tată,  _ I can’t  _ do  _ that!” Judah snatches the letter back from George. “This is the  _ government!  _ Ignorin’ a draft notice is goin’ AWOL!”

“They will send you to die,” George hisses, “you are a  _ Jew,  _ and worse than that, you’re  _ colored.” _

“If the Army thought that then they wouldn’t’a sent this outー”

_ “Ahem.” _

They turn at the sound of Shadrach’s voice. He stands at the doorway of the room, fingers resting lightly on the  _ mezuzah  _ there. 

“Judah, my boy, remember it is a mitzvah to save your own life.”

Judah deflates, shaking his head. “IーYou know what? Tonight’s supposed to be  _ happy.  _ We can talk about this later, okay?”

Winnie takes his hand and brings him in for a hug. “Later,” she whispers. 

“Later.”

_ “May it be Your will, G‑d, our G‑d and the G‑d of our fathers, that You should lead us in peace and direct our steps in peace . . . Save us from every enemy and ambush, from robbers and wild beasts on the trip, and from all kinds of punishments that rage and come to the world . . . .” _

✡✡✡

_ 1 December 1942 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Worry not, I’m still alive, kicking, and kissing doorways. Make sure to tell Zayde that last one, will ya?  _

_ Anyway, me and the rest of the boys are always busy  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ and in general making sure the Army gets from one place to another in mostly one piece. It’s real hot over here, even in the middle of winter. We’re stationed up here on a good ol’  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ and lemme tell ya, the sunsets are like no other. I can just imagine Stevie trying to catch the way the colors all bleed together, all orange and yellow and pink and even sometimes this purplish color.  _

_ Say hi to all the girls and Stevie, will ya? And Zayde and Bubbe, too, and tell Delilah that I love her.  _

_ Hoping this’ll reach you all in good health,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

Winnie hoards Judah’s letters like a lifeline. They arrive in envelopes that have traveled thousands of miles, written on paper that has seen better days. They arrive sporadically and are often short, but they  _ arrive.  _ More than once, there are brownish smears on the paper that Winnie suspects but fervently hopes is not blood. 

“You know he’s not telling us everything, right?” George asks.

“I know,” Winnie tells him, “but he’s telling us  _ enough.  _ He’s alive. That’s enough.”

Four months have passed since Judah shipped out for the Pacific Theatre. The Barneses celebrate Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The girls sleep another seven evenings out on the fire escape for Sukkot. Another Chanukah comes and goes. Winnie is 43 years old and George is 45. It is late December 1942, and Winnie is terrified that her son won’t come back to her alive. 

\---

_ 12 January 1943 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Yesterday, I caught a snake longer than my arm in my sleeping bag. I reckon that one of the boys did it, but when I found out I hollered loud enough to wake the dead. It was a monstrous thing, all scaly skin and slit eyes, but the way the sun bounced offa it was beautiful in some way, too. _

_ That’s how a lot of things over here are, I think. I don’t know if this’ll get past the censors, but I’m  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** ー _ we’re trying to  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _. There’s a lot of things here that are dangerous but beautiful at the same time. Everything's got a second layer, kinda like how Rahab was part of G-d’s plan even though she was a prostitute (see, Zayde? I do too remember stuff from yeshiva!).  _

_ Anyway, I gotta go. Corporal Reeves is hollerin’ at us to get a move on. I  _ **_[REDACTED]._ **

_ Sending hugs and kisses and I’ll try to write again soon, _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 13 February 1943 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Battle’s over! We won! I’m coming home! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait for Zayde to talk my ears off! _

_ Love you and see you soon, _

_ Your Judah _

Judah arrives home in New York in early March 1943. He shows up at the tenement in the wee hours of the morning, when only Winnie and her parents are up and about. 

There’s an unexpected knock on the door, a cry of joy and disbelief, a cocked hat, and suddenly, Judah is in Winnie’s arms again. 

“Oh, my boy,” Winnie cries. She holds on tight and vows never again to let go. 

_ “Mamă,”  _ he whispers, smiling into Winnie’s shoulder. 

They’re joined by George, awakened by the commotion. For a while, mother, father, and son remain entwined, unable to be touched by the horrors of the world. 

  
  


“They’re sendin’ me to Europe.” 

Winnie snaps her head up and lets the newly cleaned dishes fall back in the sink with a splash. “They’re  _ what?!” _

Judah looks at her from where he’s helping the girls with their schoolwork. He looks exactly like George did when he, too, was 26 and figuring out life. 

“They’re sendin’ me to Europe,” Judah repeats, “apparently things are gettin’ real over there and they want guys who know what they’re doin’.”

“To Europe,” Winnie says, voice flat, “to where the Nazis are. The people who want to eradicate our tribe from the Earth.” 

Judah winces. “That’s . . . that’s the one?” 

“I’m guessing if you don’t go, that’s going AWOL?”

“I . . . yeah,  _ mamă.  _ Yeah, it’s goin’ AWOL.”

He leaves less than two weeks later. 

✡✡✡

_ 31 August 1943 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Italy is the worst fucking place I’ve ever been to, and that’s saying a whole lot. Everything is as ugly as the rear end of a horse, the men behave like dogs, and the Brits smell like pigs. I hate it.  _

_ They slapped me here away from ACOE and boy, I’m  _ pissed.  _ I know I complained a whole lot about having to  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ but I’d rather be doing that then trying to pick up after these slugs.  _

_ HaShem save me from my misery! Tată, I salute you for making it through the Great War crammed in a trench and will never understand how you did it.  _

_ On the bright side, I've got another stripe. Go me, I guess.  _

_ Languishing in stinky feet and dumbassery,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ WESTERN UNION _

_ MRS. Winifred BARNES _

_ 93 HICKS ST, BROOKLYN, NY STE 13 _

_ THE SECRETARY OF WAR DESIRES ME TO EXPRESS HIS DEEP REGRET THAT YOUR SON STAFF SERGEANT JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES WAS REPORTED MISSING IN ACTION SINCE 14 OCTOBER 1943 OVER ITALY IF FURTHER INfORMATION OR OTHER DETAILS ARE RECEIVED YOU WILL BE PROMPTLY NOTIFIED. _

_ J.A. ULIO _

_ THE ADJUTANT GENERAL _

_ \--- _

The telegram slips out of Winnie’s fingers and flutters unassumingly to the ground. It lands face-up on the kitchen floor, cold and uncaring, the words  _ missing in action  _ staring up at her almost laughingly. 

“. . .  _ No,”  _ she whispers,  _ “no! Judah!”  _

Winnie sinks to the floor, unable to hold back her cries. Why her son? Her beautiful, caring son, who had so  _ much _ yet to give? 

_ “Mia bella?” _ George appears next to Winnie. His blue eyes are wide and worried. “What’s going on, darling?” 

Winnie shook her head, unable to speak past the lump in her chest, and gestured vaguely at the telegram on the floor. George moves to pick it up, keeping Winnie pressed to his chest. 

He reads quickly and sits down hard after he’s done. 

Shadrach, Lyla, and the girls move into view, but neither George nor Winnie move. The world, just for now, could hold on. 

_ \--- _

_ 10 November 1943 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Never fear, I’m still alive, kicking, and kissing doorways! _

_ All jokes aside, I’m okay as I can be right now. Steve (STEVE!) came to bust me outta a POW camp in Austria where we were  _ **_[REDACTED]._ ** _ I could lie and say everything’s peachy, but I know you’d see through that even through paper and a couple thousand miles.  _

_ I’m dealing. I’m not horrible, but I’m not okay, either. What they did to me was nothing compared to what they’re doing to other Jews. Mamă, tată, I don’t think I’ve ever really said thank you for getting us outta Europe when you could. So I’m gonna say it now: Thank you.  _

_ We got out, but so many others didn’t and it’s for them and Steve that I’m not coming home just yet. I’m sorry, mamă, tată, but I’ve gotta do what I can while I still can to make sure these Nazis rot in everlasting hell.  _

_ I love you,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 31 December 1943 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Chanukah Sameach and Happy New Year!  _

_ Well, Chanukah is over and by the time this gets to you it’ll probably be halfway into January, but it’s the thought that counts, right?  _

_ Anyway, I’m back in  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _.  _

**_[REDACTED]_ ** _ when you’re not piss-poor is actually pretty awesome. It’d be even more awesome if we weren’t fighting a war, though. We’re in  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ and I took Stevie to see some of our old haunts. He didn’t really say anything but I’d like to say that the tenement we used to live in is still standing, surprisingly.  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ at this point.  _

_ We’ve  _ **_[REDACTED]._ **

_ Anyway, gotta go. Tonight, we’ve got team-building with the guys and  _ **_[REDACTED]._ **

_ Sending hugs and kisses,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 10 March 1944 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear myself _ ー _ Happy Birthday to me! _

_ Well, I guess I’m yet another year older. I honestly can’t believe that I’m twenty-fucking-seven as of today. Is it wrong to feel super old already? Mamă, tată, how did you make it to 40-something without just plain keeling over?  _

_ Anyway, I’m wet and unhappy and I gotta go cuz foul things are afoot. _

_ Chag Purim Sameach! _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 3 May 1944 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Not much going on. There are whispers amongst the brass  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _. I’m trudged through the  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ chasing little more than ghosts. The good thing is the boys are excellent company and we’ve all become good friends.  _

_ Missing home,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 25 July 1944 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Yesterday, we “finished” liberating Majdanek.  _

_ I’ll spare you the details, but I know that this is something that I’ll never forget. The way was mostly clear as our forces rolled up the town and to the camp. I could see Germans, mostly children and women, peeking at us through shuttered windows as we went by. Majdanek could’ve been a graveyard, for how quiet it was, and we found out quickly that it was, indeed, a graveyard.  _

_ Mamă, tată, the people in there were little more than skeletons! Not all of them were Jewish, but there were still so many that belonged to our tribe. They didn’t speak English or Russian, and few of us spoke German, Polish, or any other language, so as a Yiddish speaker I was one of the few who had to ask the questions.  _

_ There were some people who flat out refused to answer me. One man said that if there was a G-d, he would have to get on his knees to beg for forgiveness. I wish I could say that I didn’t understand, but I did. These people have given up on hope and there is something about them that tells me they may not find it again.  _

_ I’m scared, mamă, tată, about what happened to the family we left behind. The Nazis have Gypsies here, too, tată. I think that they will be at the other camps, too. When the war is over, I’m going to look for the people we left behind. Maybe I can help some of them find peace again.  _

_ I love you all so much,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 25 August 1944 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ You’ll probably know this already by the time this letter gets to you, but the Howling Commandos got some pretty sweet news today! Well, no one else but me cared, but it was still pretty sweet: Romania has been liberated! Woo! _

**_[REDACTED]_ ** _. It’s a bunch of floy floy, if you ask me.  _

_ Anyway, days are getting colder and the war is getting hotter. I think I won’t be able to write again for a while, so I’m sending all my hugs and kisses now.  _

_ Can’t wait to see you all again,  _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 30 January 1945 _

_ Mamă, Tată: _

_ Me and the boys got word that the  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ liberated Auschwitz-Birkenau a couple of days ago. Rumor was that it was one of the worst places to go and if you got sent there it was certain you’d die. Us Howlies are  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ , so we weren’t there this time. On one hand, I’m glad I wasn’t but on the other, I feel guilty for not being there. _

_ It’s a lose-lose situation.  _

_ We also heard that the Allies are closing in on Germany, and that the war is coming to an end. I’m not sure if that’s true, but here’s to hoping that I’ll see you all soon! _

_ Missing you all and especially mamă’s cooking,  _

_ Your Judah _

\---

_ WESTERN UNION _

_ MRS. Winifred BARNES _

_ 93 HICKS ST, BROOKLYN, NY STE 13 _

_ THE SECRETARY OF WAR DESIRES ME TO EXPRESS HIS DEEPEST REGRET THAT YOUR SON STAFF SERGEANT JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES WAS KILLED IN ACTION ON 14 FEBRUARY 1945 IN AUSTRIA. LETTER FOLLOWS. _

_ J.A. ULIO  _

_ THE ADJUTANT GENERAL _

_ \--- _

_ WESTERN UNION _

_ MRS. Winifred BARNES _

_ 93 HICKS ST, BROOKLYN, NY STE 13 _

_ THE SECRETARY OF WAR DESIRES ME TO EXPRESS HIS DEEPEST REGRET THAT YOUR NEXT OF KIN CAPTAIN STEVEN GRANT ROGERS WAS KILLED IN ACTION ON 21 FEBRUARY 1945. LETTER FOLLOWS. _

_ J.A. ULIO  _

_ THE ADJUTANT GENERAL _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Hanerot Halalu": Ancient chant found in the Talmud (Soferim 20:6) that reminds Jews about the sacred nature of Chanukah  
> “Maoz Tzur”: “Rock of Ages;” Chanukah song  
> Latkes: Potato pancakes especially popular amongst Ashkenazi Jews  
> Sufganiyot: Fried doughnut traditionally filled with jelly and eaten at Chanukah  
> “May it be . . . to the world”: From the Traveler’s Prayer (Tefilat Haderech)  
> Floy floy: Nonsense; 1940’s slang
> 
> Also, in Bucky's letter home on July 25, 1944, the man who says God will have to beg him for forgiveness was taken from a Holocaust survivor's book. I don't remember the exact novel that I read it in, but the scene was incredibly powerful and really stuck with me.


	3. Postbellum

The world grinds to a halt, then slowly, slowly, starts moving again. The Barnes' bury their boys in empty caskets in fancy graves at Arlington Memorial Cemetery. A cross goes up for Steve, and for Judah, a Star of David. 

The war in Europe ends on May 8, 1945. A few months later, the United States unleashes hell on Japan with twin atomic bombs, and the war in the Pacific ends on August 15, 1945. 

Judah’s absence is a physical hole in Winnie’s chest, especially as the months go on and soldiers begin to return from overseas. Firecrackers explode outside, car horns honk, and people celebrate as sons, fathers, husbands, and brothers return victorious. For many, these months are filled with joy, for there is much to celebrate. 

For Winnie and George, however, the happiness of victory is muted. All across the country, in juxtaposition to the happy cries of their neighbors, mothers, fathers, wives, and siblings are learning to deal with their loss. 

Winnie is 48 years old and George is halfway to 100. It is 1945 and America is rising to become the Shining City on the Hill. 

  
  


_ “Bubbe!  _ Sammy yanked my hair  _ again!”  _

Winnie heaves a sigh and pauses her kneading of the  _ challah  _ dough. “Sammy, stop yanking Abbi’s hair! Abbi, stop tempting your brother!”

“But  _ Bubbe!  _ I didn’t  _ do  _ anything!”

Winnie groans and braces her hands on the counter. Rivkah’s children, Samuel and Abigail, 4-year-old demonic twins, attempt to murder each other with a tallit and their fists. 

“Children, put that where you found it,” she sighs, “that’s not for you to play with.” 

Abbi looks at her with round eyes. “But I wanted to see the words on it!”

. . .  _ Words?  _ Winnie brushes off the flour on her hands and extracts the tallit from Abbi’s grasp. “Why don’t you and your brother go play outside, hm?”

“Okay!”

Winnie looks at the tallit in her hands as the children scamper outside. Her fingers brush over the raised ridge of stitching and she turns the prayer cloak to inspect it. Embroidered in a dark blue thread are the Hebrew letters for  _ Judah Barak Berkowitz. _

The air rushes out of Winnie as she realizes that this tallit, too small for an adult man, must have been the one Judah had worn at his  _ bar mitzvah _ . She clutches the fabric to her chest as tears rush unbidden out of her eyes. It’s been three years, Winnie realizes, since Judah and Steve were abruptly and unceremoniously ripped from their lives. It’s been three years, and remembering hasn’t gotten any easier. Winnie doubts it ever will. 

Blinking away her tears, she folds the tallit and replaces it in the closet. Time will ease the pain, someone had said, once. Winnie wants to introduce her fist to their face and tell them they are the biggest liar the world has ever seen.

The United States plunges into war again and again. 

In 1947, the term “Cold War” found its way into everyday conversations for the first time. Winnie doesn’t think much about it at first, caught up as she is in the whispers amongst the world’s leaders of returning the Holy Land to her people. 

“Did you hear?” Winnie’s neighbors ask, “the Russians are pulling the Iron Curtain across Eastern Europe! It’s only a matter of time before there’s war again.”

“Don’t you _dare_ say that,” Winnie snaps back. “War isn’t something to be trifled with!”  
Winnie’s neighbors look at her mournfully. No doubt they’re remembering Judah and Steve, stoking their fragile egos by pretending to know how Winnie feels. Winnie huffs and walks away. They’re not worth her time. 

In Berlin, the Russians build a wall and announce that no one is getting in or out. From her living room, Winnie watches as American planes fly food, medicine, and other supplies to the trapped East Berliners. She can’t stop herself from laughing when the postman delivers a card showing the planes dropping glasses of milk and proclaiming, “MILK . . . new weapon of Democracy!” 

The whispers of the leaders of the world become shouts when, on May 14, 1948, the Jewish State of Israel is declared the newest country in the world. There are shouts of joy up and down the streets of Brooklyn Heights as, a few days later, Chaim Weizmann becomes the first President of the modern-day country of Israel. 

George grins when he hears the news. “You up for another adventure?” he asks Winnie as she closes the door. 

Winnie sets down the groceries and gives George  _ The Look _ . “No, thanks,” she says, I’ve had enough adventure for  _ lifetimes,  _ I think.” 

George raises his hands in mock surrender. “Maybe for vacation, then,  _ mia bella?”  _

Winnie tosses him a head of cabbage. “New countries are dangerous,” she says, “nevermind new countries in the midst of old countries that don’t want them there. Maybe in a long, long while.”

The world has changed in leaps and bounds in the years after the end of the war. Winnie’s predictions turn out to be right when Israel fights a series of wars nearly back-to-back against its neighbors. There is no stopping the young country, though, and in the end, the Jewish State proves that it was there to stay. In the United States, fear of communism sends the country into what would be called the Second Red Scare. Cities become breeding grounds for hostility as prejudice against both Commies and African Americans leads to riot, after riot, after riot. Winnie growls and slams the windows shut against the disaster that is the streets of New York City. 

In the late ’40s, Wisconsin Senator Joseph McCarthy wages war against any and all perceived Communists in the United States. Alongside HUAC, the man destroys the lives of thousands of Americans. Winnie watches in horror and disgust as not even rising star John F. Kennedy dares to speak out against him. No one does, in fact, until 1950, with Senator Margeret Chase Smith’s  _ Declaration of Conscience.  _ The award for bravery, in Winnie’s opinion, goes to the Maine Senator that year. Winnie doesn’t understand how a person, elected to protect his people, could turn around and tear his constituents apart like the way McCarthy was doing. When Senator Smith runs for President 14 years later, Winnie will gladly give Smith her vote. 

To the American government’s chagrin, Communism sinks its claws into China in 1949. The following year, frantic to stop the red wave, America takes up arms in Korea. Three years and 40,000 lives later, the Korean War ends in a stalemate. Desperately wanting to prove that the greatest country in the world  _ definitely  _ doesn’t learn from its mistakes, America decides to meddle in Vietnam only two short years after Korea ends. Winnie wants to  _ scream.  _

(She does, and this time she joins the protests in the streets of New York.

“That’s my girl,” George pants, naked body pressed against hers, “please don’t get arrested.”

Winnie thrusts against him, hard. “I’m too good for that,” she says, fingers tangled in his hair.)

Winnie is 59 years old and George is 61. The year is 1956 and it’s becoming impossible to see if the world is changing for better or for worse. 

✡✡✡

Peggy Carter shows up at their door on a hot May morning. 

Hair coiffed, lipstick rouge, and outfit impeccable, she looks every bit the impressive businesswoman and government agent she is. Winnie feels, to quote the youngsters of the day, like a dumpster fire, with her messy gray hair and less-than-flattering clothes. 

“Mrs. Barnes,” Agent Carter says, reaching out for a handshake. 

“What a pleasant surprise,” Winnie grins, “do come in!”

They settle on the old couch with a cup of coffee in their hands. Peggy takes a sip before turning to Winnie. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I dropped by so suddenly, and unannounced too, at that,” she says. 

Winnie sets her cup on the table, waiting for her to continue.

“About a year ago,” Peggy starts, “we received intelligence that a HYDRA cell deep in the Siberian wilderness was conducting experiments to create a super-soldier; their own Captain America, if you will. We sent in operatives as soon as we could, SHIELD sleeper agents who have been waiting for the right time to strike. They found out that the HYDRA cell was indeed experimenting with a super-soldier serum, and, worse, they had succeeded in creating such a weapon. 

“A few months ago, the perfect opportunity arose. HYDRA had ordered the super-soldier to be transported from the Siberian base to a base closer to Moscow. I and several STRIKE teams regrouped with our sleeper agents and attacked the convoy while they were on the road.

“The super-soldier . . . we got him out, and . . . “ Peggy paused, placing a hand atop Winnie’s and took a deep breath. 

“What?” Winnie rasps, “I’ve survived as a refugee and through two World Wars. Whatever you’ve got to say, I can take it.” 

Agent Carter nods. “The super-soldier . . . it’s Bucky. Bucky’s the Winter Soldier, and he’s  _ alive.” _

Could Winnie take that? Winnie definitely  _ could not  _ take that. “No,” she gasps, “you’re lying. Judah’s dead. Judah’s  _ dead,  _ and he’s been dead for  _ 13 years!”  _

“I know it’s hard to believeー”

Winnie gets to her feet. “Leave.”

“Mrs. Barnesー”

_ “Leave!” _

She leaves. A thick manila folder takes her place. 

George finds her unmoved from the couch when he gets home from the salon that night. 

“Winnie?” He asks,  _ “mia bella,  _ what’s wrong?” 

Winnie shakes her head, unable to find the words to tell him that their son, mourned and passed, is somehow, impossibly,  _ alive.  _ She hands him the folder wordlessly, the black eagle a stain on the pale paper. 

George’s eyes flick between her and the folder warily. “Do I want to know what’s in this?” He rasps, “nothing good has ever come from one of these things.” 

“Read it,” Winnie murmurs. She grips her husband’s hand and pulls him onto the couch beside her. 

George takes longer to read through the folder than the other correspondences that have changed their lives. It’s in English, after all, and it’s  _ long.  _ His brows draw together as he flips the pages, and when he’s done, he gathers Winnie in his arms. Like before, they stay that way for a long, long time. 

\---

_ 15 May 1958 _

_ Judah,  _

_ HaShem told us that there would be no more miracles after Solomon’s Temple. Words cannot express how grateful we are that one slipped through. Peggy let us write to you for the first time the other day. She’s promised to bring this to you and to not read it, but can you blame us for writing in Romanian just in case?  _

_ Peggy says you’re not okay right now and she’s worried outside contact won’t be good for you. We can’t imagine what you went through, my dear, lovely boy, and we likely never will, but we know that you are so, so strong. We love you so, so much, Judah, and we know that, in whatever form you now may take, you’ll return to us soon enough. Be brave, my dear boy. Remember that you are a Jew and a bear. Have hope, and everything else will fall into place.  _

Mamă și Tată, 

_ Winifred and George _

_ \--- _

George seals the letter with a lick and passes it to Peggy. "I trust that you will get this to him," he says, English clipped and economical. 

Peggy takes the letter and slips it into her purse. "Of course," she says, "but I do warn you against getting your hopes up. He may not read it, and even if he does, he may not remember." 

"He'll remember," Winnie tells her as she leaves, "and we'll wait until he does." 

Peggy smiles as she heads back to her car. George defects to the kitchen as soon as she shuts the door, but Winnie watches from the steps until Peggy drives away. "He'll remember, won't he?" She asks softly as she slips inside, in tried-and-true Yiddish this time.

George looks at her from where he's standing with his hands braced on the kitchen counter. "He will," George says, "you know our boy, got enough chutzpah to bring the whole world on its knees. He'll come back to us. I know it." 

\---

_ 8 July 1958 _

_ Mamă, Tată:  _

_ I’m sorry I took so long to respond. I guess I just didn’t know what to say. The doctors say I’m doing well and they think maybe I can leave the facility soon but I’m feeling so, so lost. Peggy says they tried to fry my brain. I guess that’s right because everything feels foggy and I’m not sure if I remember anything right. The doctors say not to try anything taxing. I think they’re surprised I remember Romanian at all because they tried to translate your letter to me.  _

_ I’m trying to be brave but I’m not sure I remember how. I remember your cooking, though, Mamă, and how Tată would ruin the  _ challah  _ every time he tried to make it. I remember the girls and Steve and being loved. Peggy tells me that Steve died for real not long after I fell off the train. If a person could be an empty pitcher I think that’s what I would be right now.  _

_ Peggy calls me Bucky but I think Judah fits better, so. _

_ Your Judah _

_ \--- _

_ 11 July 1958 _

_ Judah,  _

_ There is no recipe for bravery, for it is whatever you can make of it. Bravery is strength, and strength is not simply being unafraid. Rather, it is being afraid but forging ahead anyway. Know that however many times you fall, my dear boy, we will always be here to catch you. We can’t wait to see you again, my sweet, sweet boy. We can’t wait to hold you in our arms again. To help you pass the time, we thought we’d tell you a little of what we’ve been at these past few years.  _

_ Tată has left Uncle Mordechai’s barbershop and has opened a salon of his own. Remember when he couldn’t cut hair to save his life? Well, those days are no more! Tată is one of the best barbers in Brooklyn Heights! Mamă is an empty-nester with no kids to look after. She’s volunteering at the  _ shul  _ and has picked up crocheting! Esther is 25 now and Miriam is 24. The house feels so empty without any of you in it! Remember when there were 8 of us in our tiny little flat and no one could get any room? Rivkah and Avram are still going strong. You are an uncle so many times over, my sweet boy! Becca and Avram have 6 little ones! Samuel and Abigail are twins and the oldest at 16, James is 14, Vivian is 13, Everette is 8, and Wesley is 3. Phew! That’s a lot of kids! Essie recently married a strapping young fellow named Luther Piotroski. They’re expecting a boy late this year whose name will be Lloyd. Mimi is in grad school right now _ ー _ she wants to be a doctor! Bubbe and Zayde have left us, unfortunately, but we carry them still in our hearts. Everyone, from Becca’s kids to your uncles’ families, looks forward to being with you again! _

_ All the love in the world is not enough to describe what we feel for you,  _

Mamă și Tată

_ \--- _

_ 19 July 1958 _

_ Mamă, Tată:  _

_ Thank you for the updates.  _

_ It’s really boring here because the doctors won’t let me do anything fun, like going anywhere that’s not the very boring, generic grocery store. I miss my days as a free man! There is an asshole here who keeps trying to feed me pork and keeps talking about “current events” but he’s only really rambling about how “the gays and Blacks are going to take over the world.” I think he’s a bit off his rocker.  _

_ Apparently there’s a guy _ ー _ Martin Luther King, Jr.? _ ー _ who’s fighting for civil rights. Based on how the asshole is talking he has quite a few supporters. That’s good!  _

_ I think Steve and I used to bet on how many kids Becca and Avram would have. I said ten and Stevie said 15 (15!) and since Becca had 6, I won and Steve owes me in the next life. I think it was 5 bucks. It sounds like our family has grown so much. I’m scared and excited to come home. Peggy is right, Mamă, Tată: I’m not okay, but I’m trying so hard to learn how to be okay again. Whatever “okay” is now, it’s going to be different than what “okay” was before.  _

_ Only a few more weeks, hopefully, _

_ Your Judah _

\---

Judah returns to them on a bright, July morning. Winnie and George watch a sleek, black car pull up by the side of the road. They watch and Peggy and their son exit the car and walk, agonizingly slowly, up to the door. Judah pauses at the steps. There are a few words exchanged, and thenーand then Judah is ringing the doorbell, and Winnie is flinging open the door and holding out her arms, and, for the first time in 13 years, Winnie and George are holding their son in their arms. 

✡✡✡

There are good days and bad days. 

Sometimes, Judah seems fine: he talks and laughs and dives headlong into learning about this new world that he’s been dumped in. 

(“It’s basically time-traveling,  _ mamă,”  _ he laughs.) 

Other times, everything, from the gentle whirring of his metal arm to the neighbors slamming the door, sends Judah into a blind panic. There are days where Winnie finds him curled into the corner of his room, days where he doesn’t recognize her and George, days where nothing but Russian falls from his lips. There are days where Winnie and George have to leave the house and lock the door and call for a SHIELD agent with a tranq gun because someone has tried to make their son into a  _ machine,  _ and those are the worst days, because they make Winnie feel like she’s failed in everything she’s supposed to be in life. What type of mother is she, to  _ let monsters experiment on her son?  _

But, gradually, things get better. Eventually, when Judah has yet another nightmare, he’ll pad into the kitchen where George will inevitably be, and father and son will talk about surviving a war. Eventually, when the neighbors slam their doors, Judah will no longer dive onto the floor, rather jumping and swearing under his breath. The Barnes' and their extended family will envelop Judah into their fold again, and Judah will reach out to Delilah. 

As the sun sets on the last day of Passover a few years after his return, Judah quietly tells Winnie and George that he had loved Steve and always would. Winnie and George will pull him into their arms and tell him that they would love him no matter who he loved. 

A year later, Judah will crush a glass under his heel as Delilah walks around him seven times for good luck, mirroring what Winnie and George had done decades ago under the Romanian sun. 

“It ain’t safe t’ be a poof,” Judah explains bitterly, “and Delilah don’t feel that way for women or men. It’ll be safer this way. We’re best friends. We’ll be okay.”

It breaks Winnie’s heart to admit that he’s right, but she is glad that if Judah had to pretend with someone, it was with Delilah.

Peggy returns to their Brooklyn brownstone sometime in the mid-60s with a name and an offering. “Steve would want this,” she says, “we  _ need  _ someone to be Captain America.”

“Maybe you do,” Judah says, “but whoever it is it ain’t me. There ain’t no goddamn way I’m ever gonna put tha’ thing on m’ back.”

“Okay,” Peggy consents, “I won’t force you to take the name, but think about working for SHIELD, alright? It would be an honor to have an agent of your caliber.” 

Judah huffs as she leaves in her shiny, black car. “I ain’t doin’ it,” he says.

“Do what you think is right,” Winnie replies.

Only months later, Judah tosses a file folder onto the kitchen table. “Guess I’m doin’ it,” he grumbles. 

Winnie is 64 years old and George is 66. It is 1961 and they have more years behind them than ahead, but as Winnie watches the jagged puzzle pieces of her son slot together, she is at peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No translations this time, but is anyone watching here The Mandalorian? I am, and I'm in *love.*


	4. Relicum

In 1964, Judah returns to school for a Master’s Degree. He enrolls in New York University and buries himself in robots, only occasionally digging himself out for some SHIELD mission or another. Rivkah publishes a book on the Howling Commandos later in the same year, while Essie continues trailblazing as one of the first female rabbis in New York and Mimi opens a private physician’s practice. 

Winnie and George, meanwhile, have taken it upon themselves to take a vacation. In the spring of ‘65, they pack a trailer with half the things they owned and set out on a cross-continental trip. Starting from New York, they head north and east to Massachusetts, where they walk the Freedom Trail, critique Paul Revere’s house, and stand on Plymouth Rock. In Maine, George coerces Winnie into whale-watching and Winnie makes him take a hike in the woods in turn. They stuff themselves full of lobster and hop the border to Canada, where they exercise rusty French in Quebec and visit the capital in Ottawa. From there, they move on to Niagara, where they learn about a woman who went over the Falls in a barrel. 

(“She’s insane,” Winnie marvels, “what was her name again?”

“Annie,” George supplies, “too bad she’s dead. Would’ve been nice to meet her.”) 

They move on, driving across the beef-dotted landscape of western New York and the tips of the Appalachians in Pennsylvania. In Philadelphia, Winnie and George take photos of the Liberty Bell to bring home and visit Independence Hall. Washington, DC finds them taking a rickety elevator up the Washington Monument and standing in the shadow of the Lincoln Memorial. Winnie stands where Reverend King stood when he made his speech and thinks about how the country has changed in the years since she first stepped foot on Ellis Island. She thinks about how  _ she  _ has changed. 

George takes a week to drive them down the Appalachians. They end up in Georgia, among the final peaks of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Winnie insists they visit the Floridian coast, where George, once again, coerces her into whale watching. 

(“What,” Winnie grumbles as she hunkers down on a bench and desperately tries to keep ahold of the contents of her stomach, “is it with you and the whales?”

George gives her a shit-eating grin. “They’re  _ cool, mia bella.”  _

“Cool, my ass, you just want to see me suffer is what you want.”)

They don’t linger for long, George’s dark skin making them a target in the Jim Crow South. On their way back north, they stop by Calumet Farm in Lexington to visit, of all things, a horse. Citation, George tells Winnie indignantly as she stays far, far away from the beast’s huge teeth, was the 1948 Triple Crown winner. Winnie isn’t completely sure what the Triple Crown even isーwhat type of fool wastes both time and money on  _ horse racing,  _ of all things, when there are so many better things to do?

They visit the near-finished Gateway Arch in St. Louis, and in Chicago Winnie drags George down Navy Pier and the Michigan lakefront. George fanboys when they manage to catch a Cubs game in Wrigley Field, taking about a million pictures to inadvertently annoy poor Judah with. 

The rolling grasslands of the Great Plains are dotted with bison, not unlike the cattle that grace rural New York back home. Winnie and George spend a day at Mount Rushmore, but overall, their journey West is uninterrupted. A museum curator in Nebraska tells them to visit Death Valley, but Winnie and George make the executive decision to  _ not.  _ Yellowstone National Park, however, cannot be missed, and they spend several weeks in the wilderness of Wyoming. They see Old Faithful erupt multiple times, watch a pack of wolves with bated breath, and engage in an intense staring contest with a pair of moose. George holds Winnie close at night, and under the eyes of God, they count the stars. 

They arrive in California in late fall, and after visiting San Francisco and Los Angeles, Winnie and George find themselves on San Diego’s beaches. If Winnie tries hard enough, she thinks that she can see Mexico in the distance. 

The Pacific Ocean is unlike any other Winnie has seen in her life. It is raw and powerful, cold from the currents that come from the deep underneath the surface of the sea. When George makes her go on yet another boat ride, Winnie sees seals and otters and birds in the great kelp forests off the coast. Further out, killer whales patrol the open seas. 

“The world almost hunted the humpbacks to near extinction,” George says as they watch the whales in the distance, “but they’re coming back, now. Slowly but surely.” 

Winnie slips her hand into his. “What brought this on?”

“It’s amazing,” George says slowly, “how life can recover if we let it. I keep thinking, it’s likeー. Hm, well, it’s like us. The world keeps trying to hunt us down and we keep coming back. Like the whales.”

“We’re stronger than they think we are,” Winnie says, leaning her head on George’s shoulder. “Us and our people both.”

They are home for the first night of Chanukah. Throughout the ceremony, Judah and Mimi keep stealing glances at each other, almost as if they are plotting something. Delilah keeps rolling her eyes at her husband, who gives her shit-eating grins. Only after the candles are lit and the food has been eaten does Winnie finally get to find out what the giggling was about. 

Mimi pulls Winnie and George aside, Judah and Delilah following closely behind. Winnie can’t help but be wary. The last time she got pulled aside during Chanukah, after all, her son had gone to war. 

“So,” Mimi grins, “We’ve got news, and I know you’re both probably like  _ ‘oh no!’ _ ーbut don’t worry! It’s good news!” 

“Me and Mimi and Delilah were doing’ some research,” Judah says, “while you two were runnin’ ‘round the country bein’ hooligans and we got some paperworkー.”

“We’re going to Israel!” Mimi interjects, “we can make  _ aliyah  _ to Israel!” 

“ _ Aliyah?”  _ George asks, “as in immigrating?” 

“Yes!” Mimi squeals, “isn’t it amazing? It won’t be right away, of course, because I’ve got the clinic to think about and Judah has to finish school, but we’re going next summer to begin the process.” 

Eyes wide, Winnie looks between her kids and George. “That’s . . .” she starts,  _ “wow.”  _

“I  _ know,  _ right?” Mimi asks, “it’s so exciting!”

“Mimi can help with the medical stuff,” Judah says, “and me and Delilah are both goin’ t’ be teachin’ a’ the University a’ Tel Aviv.” 

_ “Wow,”  _ Winnie says again as she pulls her kids and daughter-in-law into a hug, brain not actually functioning enough to say anything else. 

_ “Eloheinu,”  _ George says, “your grandparents would be so proud.” 

Judah smiles at his dad, “I’ll make sure t’ go ‘n’ kiss some doors when I get there.”

It takes half a decade for them to make _aliyah._ In that time, Judah adds another expensive piece of paper to resume, Delilah completes her PhD, and Mimi transfers her practice to Tel Aviv. In 1969, when Mimi, Judah, and Delilah board the plane that will take them to their homeland, the entire family is there to see them off. 

“Have fun!” Rivkah tells them. “Write! And call! And send lots of pictures!” 

Mimi laughs as she finds off her older sister, “We will!” 

They say the  _ shehecheyanu  _ together, and then they’re off. Winnie watches as the plane pulls out of the terminal and onto the runway, her eyes on the sky long after she can’t see the plane anymore. 


	5. Aeternum

_ “Mamă,  _ why is Peter Pan always flying?” 

Winnie tucks the phone against her shoulder as she sets the laundry on the bed. “I don’t know, Judah. Why?”

“Because he Neverlands.” 

Winnie pauses. “I’m not sure what you mean, dear.” 

“ _ Whaaaat?! _ He Neverlands! You know, ‘cause he lives inー” Judah heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Never mind,  _ mamă, _ ” he laughs. “How are you?”

“I’m good, dear,” Winnies say, “how’s Israel?” 

Judah hums non-committedly. “Hot,” he says, “it’s so incredibly different than anywhere else I’ve ever been. But, y’know, home and all. I love it.” 

Winnie imagines him on the sun-soaked Mediterranean coast. In her head, Judah is wandering the streets of their homeland. He’s smiling, she thinks, as he draws in the sights and sounds and life of the country, just as he is wont to do. “What are you doing right now?”

“Well,  _ mamă, _ ” Judah says, “it’s, what? 4-ish in New York? It’s 11 at night here and I’m sitting on my sad, sad bed eating falafel.” 

“Judah!” Winnie cries, “go the fuck to  _ sleep! _ ”

“ _ Mamă,  _ are you insinuating that I should  _ throw away my food? _ ” 

_ “Judah,”  _ Winnie warns, “take yourself to bed.”

On the other side of the line, several hours and thousands of miles away, Judah groans. “And I  _ will,  _ as soon as I finish dinner. Give me a break! Teaching is  _ hard work. _ ”

“I never said that it wasn’t,” Winnie says, “just that you need to go to sleep. How is Delilah?” 

“Good,” Judah says, “Lilah’s making all the old rabbis turn over in their graves. She’s an amazing teacher.”

Winnie grins. “That’s good, the old rabbis need a shock every now and then. How about your classes?” 

“They’re good,” Judah says, “honestly didn’t I’d be cut out for it, but I like the kids. And the kids like me, too, I think.” 

“Has the fighting toned down?”

Judah exhales sharply. “No,” he says, “no one in charge is willing to sit down and talk it out. It’s a mess.” 

Winnie frowns. “Are you and Delilah safe?” 

“Safe as we can be,” Judah says, “but I’m worried about bringing a kid into this whole mess.” 

“They’ll listen eventually,” Winnie says, “no conflict lasts forever, and Lord knowsー“ Winnie cuts herself off suddenly as she processes what Judah has just said. “A kid? Judah, is Delilah expecting?” 

“Was wondering how long it’d take you to notice,” Judah chuckles. “Congratulations,  _ mamă,  _ you’re to be a  _ bubbe  _ again.”

Winnie’s breath catches in her throat. She hadn’t thought that Judah would ever want kids after what had happened to him. “When?” 

“We’re a few weeks in,” Judah says, “I’ll let you know when we know more.”

“Was thisーwas this planned?”

“Yeah,” Judah says, “Lilah and I talked it out to the smallest detail and we’re both really excited for the kid.” 

“Good, good. Will they be Israeli, then?”

“And American,” Judah says, “but yes. We’ve come a full circle, haven’t we?”

“Yes,” Winnie smiles. Hebrew sounds good on her son’s tongue, she thinks. 

“Oh!” Judah says, “before I hang up, what did you think about the Apollo?”

“Your father and I were hanging on to every word,” Winnie assures him. 

“Good,” Judah laughs, “We worked hard on that. I still can’t believe there’s an American flag on the freaking  _ Moon.”  _

They talk about everything and nothing for a while longer before Winnie demands that her son gets to bed and Judah acquiesces with a huff. There is a warm, full feeling in Winnie’s chest as she disconnects the call. Winnie is 73 years old and George is 75. It is 1970, and despite all that has happened, the world has kept turning round and round. 

In 1973, Israel gets into yet another spat with its Arab neighbors. The war is short-lived and indecisive, but it kickstarts Judah’s career as a politician. He’s well-known on the international stage, and somehow Katzir and Nixon manage to get him mixed up in the entire mess. From then on, up until the day that Winnie passes on and even after, her son would often be seen on television. 

In between teaching and political appearances, Winnie hears about the Winter Soldier’s missions in the Soviet Union. She knows that, for more than a year, Judah is entrenched in the Red Room, where he is definitely doing more than teaching little girls. What he’s doing, exactly, Winnie doesn’t know, because her son refuses to tell her anything. It terrifies Winnie to have her son back in the place that so thoroughly ripped him apart, but there’s nothing she can do about it but pray to HaShem to keep her son safe. 

Mimi never does marry or have any children, but Judah and Delilah welcome two pairs of twins into the world after their first son, Ashton. Abednego, Eleshiva, and Mehitabel are, though perhaps not fully planned, loved. 

“Never again,” Delilah says, “kids are awesome, but we are never doing that again.”

“Duly noted,” Judah laughs, “never again.”

At first glance, the eighties are a fun time in America. Rock and roll takes to the streets, and although Winnie and George have nothing to do personally with the movement, they do take great joy in the afros and blinding disco balls. 

It is also a chaotic time, however, with a political shift to the right and the continuing Cold War. Winnie wishes that the world’s leaders would just sit down and have a talk to sort it all out (which they don’t). She and George teach Russian Jewish refugees English and settle in the community through their local  _ shul.  _

In the late eighties, as they are both nearing 100, Judah asks if they would be willing to join him and Mimi in Israel. After some time thinking it through, Winnie and George are making  _ aliyah  _ themselves. It is an interesting experience, flying, and although it took much less time to get from New York to Israel in the air, it’s not a thing that Winnie believes she would like to do again. 

They arrive in Tel Aviv in the summer of 1990, where Judah greets them with a chocolate cake and a huge smile. He takes them on a short trip around Tel Aviv’s downtown in a brand-new car before bringing them to a high-rise deep in the heart of the city. 

“Home,” he says, pushing the door of the apartment open.

The kids flutter about excitedly as George and Winnie take stock of the apartment. It’s spacious, for a city, and there will be plenty of room for them to settle in. 

_ “Mamă!”  _ Mimi cries,  _ “Tată!  _ How was the flight?” 

“Like the inside of a fireplace,” George grunts, “you never said that everyone and their mother would be smoking cigars.” 

Winnie and George immerse themselves in a new life. They are well and truly retired now, with no responsibilities other than watching the kids. With all of her own kids in their late 60s now, Winnie has missed having little ones around all the time. Although Judah and Delilah’s kids aren’t actually  _ little  _ anymore, with Ashton being nearly 20 and the others all in their teens, they still bring a breath of fresh air into Winnie and George’s life with their antics. 

1990 and 1991 are hectic years. Judah is in and out of the country as he juggles political responsibilities, academic interests, and SHIELD missions. He visits concentration camps and pores through records, intent on bringing their ancestors, who were so brutally murdered, peace. 

(He traces a lead to some of Winnie’s descendants, who are still living in Romania. A mother and son flee from the Romanian Revolution not long after, and one day the son will portray his great cousin many times over on the big screen. 

They’re talking about it one day, when George calls himself a Gypsy and Judah snaps back that  _ “No, Tată,  _ that’s not okay. It’s Romani. We’re Romani.” 

The world, Winnie supposes, has finally decided to learn how to play nice.)

“Do you even have a Russian visa?” Delilah muses one day.

Judah pauses from where he’s kneading the  _ challah  _ dough. “No, I’m literally a bounty hunter, why would I have a visa?” 

“Oooohhhh,” Delilah laughs, “such a rebel!” 

“Who’s a rebel?” Abednego slides in between his parents and sticks a finger in the jam. 

“Your father,” Delilah says, “and get your grubby mitts out of that!”

Abednego dodges his mother’s playful smack and retreats to eat his prize. 

“Do you really not have a visa?” Winnie asks, “you’re in the Soviet Union so much.”

“No,” Judah says,  _ “I’m  _ not in the Soviet Union, the Winter Soldier is. And the Winter Soldier is a merc who works outside the law.” 

“How do you get in and out of the country, then?”

“SHIELD. I get a plane, fly in, do what I need to do, fly back out.” 

Winnie shakes her head. What Judah does is none of her business, she tells herself; he’s an adult and can take care of himself. “Such a rebel.”

_ “Eh?”  _ George asks, because George is old, and in the last year or so, has gone and lost his hearing. 

“Nothing!” Winnie yells back, as Judah shakes his head, looks up at the ceiling, and mutters something about hearing aids. 

Sometime in the latter half of 1991, Winnie pads into the kitchen on a pre-dawn morning to find Judah and Delilah talking over the table quietly. 

The pair look up quickly and fall silent as Winnie enters.  _ “Mamá,”  _ Judah greets her.

“What’s going on?” 

“Nothing,” Judah says, perhaps a little too quickly. Delilah pokes him in the ribs. 

“What’s going on,  _ eyngl?”  _ Winnie levels him with a glare.

“It’s nothing, really,” Judah says, “SHIELD just called and said that there’s been unrest in the Soviet Union. They want me Stateside to help President Bush.”

“Not to Russia?”

“No, just back to DC.” 

“Good,” Winnie declares, “when are you leaving?”

Judah picks at the hem of his shirt. “Not soon, hopefully,” he says, “they don’t have anything solid yet and I can advise the President over the phone just fine.” 

Judah leaves for the States in early November, and in late December the Soviet Union disbands. The world’s second-largest superpower crumbles into dust. 

Israel and its Arab neighbors continue to squabble through the 20th Century. Winnie and George, never ones to sit still, volunteer for an organization donating food and supplies for refugees in the Gaza Strip. Judah and Delilah both speak out against the constant fighting and encourage peace talks between the two sides. 

“This is not about pride or even our religious beliefs,” Judah says on television, “all people deserve the dignity of living a peaceful life. As long as there is fighting, people will not be able to live in peace. Both sides need to reach an agreement.”

Arabs say he is lying and Israelis condemn him for consorting with the enemy, but Judah continues working towards peace in the Holy Land with other world leaders. Judah may not have aged physically past his late twenties, but he is not impervious to bullets and Winnie prays desperately that no one will try to kill her son. 

The kids grow up and go to college. In 1998, Judah and Delilah take Eleshiva, who is an engineering major like her father before her, to Russia to watch the launch of the first pieces of the International Space Station. 

(She comes home bursting to the brim about the launch. Eleshiva will one day board the ISS herself as an astronaut for Israel.)

The turn of the millennium comes more or less peacefully. There is unrest in the world as ideas change and alliances are tested, but the Barnes (and Berkowitzes, because Judah, Delilah, and their kids have chosen to reclaim their old name) look past the dark parts of the world and join thousands of Tel-Avivans in celebrating the New Year. Winnie will be 103 years old and George will be 105. It is 2000, and Winnie cherishes every day she has. 

In 2001, Abednego and his wife move to Manchester, United Kingdom. The next year, they welcome Winston into the world. Winnie gushes at the thought of being a  _ gute-bubbe _ and Ashton teases his little brother for having a kid before him. Judah’s friends, a Ukrainian doctor and general, who Winnie and George know and love, coerce them into watching their daughter when they are on business. From there, Winnie and George end up babysitting several other kids of Judah’s friends. 

“So, Many.  _ Children,”  _ Judah complains.

“Hush!” Winnie scolds, “you’ll hurt their feelings! It’s hardly their fault; who told you to make such busy friends?” 

The years pass by quietly. Delilah is and has been retired, and Judah stops leaving home so often in order to spend more time with her. He looks more like her grandchild than her husband, and there is a terrifying word that starts with an  _ “i”  _ on the tip of everyone’s tongue. 

“We ain’t talkin’ ‘bout it,” Judah says when Delilah brings it up. 

She doesn’t want to, either, so they let it slide. Winnie’s heart breaks for her son. She is ready to let go, but thenーbut then but then  _ but then.  _

They find him, frozen in the Arctic ice. Judah is called as soon as he is brought back in to SHIELD. He leaves on the next flight to New York, and after several nerve-wracking weeks, Winnie and George envelop their second son in a crushing hug underneath the Israeli sun.

Winnie is 114 years old and George is 116. It is 2011, and peacefully, in the night, they let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyngl: Boy; Yiddish  
> Gute-bubbe: Great-Grandma; Yiddish
> 
> "For dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou return," Genesis 3:19. Thank you for coming along on this wild ride with me!


End file.
